Thursday, 20 August 2020

Inspired, not pressured.

 

Turned 32 in great company. There comes a quiet that comes with birthdays for me. A reflection of all the blessings and wonderful people and things that came into my life, a flashback of memories that made me who I am today both good and bad, and an affirmation that I can be better but it doesn't mean I'm flawed... just can be better. 

I can be so much better and I know it's okay to admit that because I'm not arrogant enough to say I have everything, know everything or is everything. I know there are areas where I need work on, dreams I have that are not yet accomplished and ambitions that are just starting off. I know the work I need to do and I know the healing I still have to accomplish. I'm far from being done.

But that isn't to say I am flawed. Nope. I am not flawed. I am not damaged. I've learnt to never let these things steal my value. I know my value. I know my worth. I know my strengths just as I know my weaknesses. My strengths make me good at what I do. My accomplishments are mine and no one can take them from me. My good qualities are good and strong. My foundation is not built on who I am not, but who I am and I am confident, loved, talented and persistent. 

I have learnt to lean on facts and not what others think is facts. The fact is that at 32, I have accomplished a lot. The fact is at 32, I have a very blessed and privileged life. The fact is at 32, I've found acceptance and self-love for myself, my worth, my time and my value. The fact is at 32, I have found love and a home. The fact is at 32, I can be so much worst off but I am not. The fact is, no one will ever be me, but me. 

I will never call myself a mentor. I will never say my life is perfect. I will never say everyone needs to be me to be perfect. I will also never say that I am the standard because I am not. I am only MY standard. I am only MY version of success. I am only MY version of a perfect life. What I can do is inspire, just like how I have found my inspiration in other people. Growing up, I've never had a mentor and I never really looked at someone and said: "I want their life". I don't want someone else's life, I want my own life. I may be inspired and aspire to have certain characteristics, admire the right choices others have made, learnt their lessons from their failures and gain wisdom from their experiences - but never once did I allow myself to be pressured to be someone else. 

Today, I don't want you to be me. I don't wish for you to be me either. Because you cannot be me. You will never be me. Our circumstances are different, our walks are different, our personalities and characteristics are different - there's only one me, and there's only one you. Watch me, take my strengths, my wisdom, my rights but don't be me. Be better than me. Be your version of me. Take my mistakes, flaws and negatives and do better. Be better. That's what I always tell my children. I tell LittleLim and LittleJLim to never aspire to be me or their daddy. Be their own version of us. Find yourselves and most importantly, be someone you can love. Love yourself first. 

You can't love yourself if you always chase to be someone else. 

-Ally

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