Nuffnang

Monday, 15 January 2018

Thankful For This Body


The other day I was scrolling on Facebook and was met with an advert from a cosmetic clinic. To say I wasn't affected by it would be a lie. Those ads made me nitpick my flaws - the lack of a V-shape face, the craters called pores on my nose and chin, the flab of skin that did not shrink back on my lower tummy after two pregnancies, the stretch marks on my thighs from countless years of weight gain and loss and gain and loss... the list goes on. To say that I wasn't tempted to go ahead with a quick nip and tuck would also be a lie because I was. I was now in a position where I could afford such procedures without having to ask for parental funding which meant I could also bypass parental permission and as for the hubs... I would have figured something out if I really wanted to.

As tempting as it was and getting more convinced with each "before and after" photo of other successful stories that I needed to fix my "flaws", I looked up and saw my daughter watching me. Instant guilt. I keep telling my daughter she's beautiful the way she is, how her "imperfections" make her gorgeous, how she doesn't have to change anything about herself and how she must always love herself. Here I am not feeling happy about myself and all these "imperfections".

I shut my Facebook and came to a realisation these "flaws" are the result of something beautiful. These flaws are my stories on my body and in my skin. The sun spots from my highschool days of high jumps, long jumps and relay races, the scars on my legs from the many years of ice-skating and falling and getting up again just to nail that one element, the stretch marks and flabby skin from carrying two beautiful babies inside me, the eye bags from the many sleepless nights of feeding and comforting two babies back to sleep when they wake up in hunger or fear and how this body of mine has taken care of me when I had let it down. When I starved myself because I thought I was fat, when I stayed up 4 days straight to "study", when I wore contact lenses for 7 days straight because I was too lazy to remove them and many other "stupid" things I did to it, it still took care of me, still protected me and still worked hard for me. 

In that moment I realised that my body is amazing. I won't say never to plastic surgery because who knows one day my body will need help to look and feel like me but for now, I'm comfortable and accept these "flaws" about myself. One thing is for sure, I will always be thankful for this body. For the many stories it has allowed me to write so that I can share them to you. 

-Ally

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