Thursday, 23 November 2017

5 Years Anniversary

We've been a bit snappy at each other lately. Maybe it's the kids, maybe it's work, maybe it's us working so closely together, maybe it's the lack of sleep or maybe it's just one of those seasons where too much is happening at the same time and we're just trying to keep our head above water, learning to readjust and find our new center.  

As I got angrier thinking of what has transcended, of the things that was said and getting irritated, I stopped. I always stop whenever I'm on the verge of losing my cool to the point I want to cut you because you know, I'm crazy that way and if I keep thinking about it, eventually I'll do it. Heh. So I stopped. I questioned myself "Was it really THAT bad?!" and the answer always is no. Because it's never really THAT bad when it comes to you. Actually, you're never bad. NEVER.

As I stood over the sink, I tried to imagine a life without you. That imaginary life scared me. I don't want a life without you. I don't want a life where you're not the one annoying me, mentally challenging me, getting irritated at me, debating me, getting all up in my space, snoring so loudly and waking me up - I don't want the perfect life because this imperfect life with you doing all THOSE things is pretty perfect to me.

The truth is, I can survive on my own. I just don't want to because you complete me. I don't want to because I'm the happiest and the best when I'm with you. You make all those adult mundane things we do fun. You make doing all those frustrating life moments less nerve wrecking. You even make the fun happy moments even more amazing. With you around I'm more inspired to do better, try harder, be more and go further in life. The fact that you have never once held me back from doing whatever I wanted to and that you have never made me feel like I needed to choose between family or myself speaks volumes of how much you are constantly encouraging me to push my limits. 

And then I am reminded what marriage is. It's not a promise that we'll never get all the ugly in life. Instead it's a promise that no matter how ugly life gets, we will walk together hand-in-hand. It's a promise that you can count on me to stay even during moments of crisis (identity crisis included), during moments of heartbreak, moments of solitude, moments of pain and suffering and moments of ugliness - I'll be there. On our wedding day, I vowed that I will always protect your heart, and I will till the day I die. Because you are my person and my everything. There's no life without you.

Dear Hubbycat, 

5 years since we pledged ourselves to each other. I remember so many amazing moments with you but it's the hard, ugly moments that shows me what an amazing man I've married. Do you remember the time where we worried about money? Or the time where you and I had so little sleep and one tiny baby to take care of? Or the time where I was in a dark place and didn't know how to get out of? Those times I do wonder if you'll get frustrated with me and leave? And to be honest, if you did leave I really wouldn't blame you but you would always tell me "I signed up for this" and you would find a way to ease my burden and hold my hand while we figure things out. Thank you for always choosing me and not the fastest way out. Always.

In our five years of marriage, you never once made me feel insignificant or small. You'd never try to control me, the way I spend or the way I live. You always tell me "What's mine is yours" or "It's okay, I'll make more" or "Don't worry, be you" these words always comforts me and empowers me. Never once do I feel judged for the mistakes I've made and you never make me feel bad for all my imperfections. 

Thank you for teaching me about life, people, finance, marketing, cooking and even driving. Thank you for always coming to my  rescue whenever I get stuck or face a difficult situation. You always boost my self-esteem and you make me feel like a queen at home. Thank you for all the amazing stories I get to share with our kids, the precious moments and beautiful memories. Most of all, thank you for never being afraid of telling me you love me and the kids. Look at us now, 5 years of marriage, 2 kids and plenty of stories. 

I pray LittleLim will find a husband as amazing as you and I pray BabyJ will grow up to be just like you. I love you. I respect you. I honor you. I choose you. Always and forever. Whether it's 5 years, 15 years or 50 years - I will still be saying these words to you, God willing. 

To the love of my life, my Hubbycat, Happy 5th Anniversary. I love you more than yesterday, less than tomorrow. 


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