Wednesday, 25 October 2017

Mommy, I'm Scared.

"Mommy, I'm scared"

What used to be a sentence uttered in jest now has turned into something quite real. The first time I saw it, I knew it wasn't her usual funny, overdramatic "mommy! I'm scared" sentence but it is now something real. The look of uncertainty in her eyes, the way she is paralysed on the spot unable to move, the quiver of her lip and when she finally got past the initial shock, she ran up to me and clawed her way up my arms, into a hug, wanting to be carried. 

My daughter is frightened. She's fearful. She knows fear. 

This is one of the moments I dread as a mother. As a mother, I would give up everything to shield her from fear. I'm a mama bear and I would do anything to protect my cubs. To know that I cannot shield her from the feeling of fear sometimes hurts. It took me a long time to overcome my childhood fears and I still live with a few! I know as a child, fear is something irrational because a child's mind just simply cannot understand. That inability to process, rationalise and understand the fear just amplifies it. How do you overcome a fear you don't understand? You really can't and just have to wait till you outgrow it.

So when LittleLim told me she was scared, my heart shattered. I knew I couldn't do much to make her see that it isn't so scary afterall. The best I can do is explain it the best way I can, make her feel comforted and safe and think outside the box of ways to get rid of the fear. You can call me the fear defeater - coming up with creative ways to kill fear! Whether it's pretending that I have a magic torch light to scare away the big scary monsters hiding behind the curtains or having magic earphones that cancels the noise of the vacuum - it's what I do on a daily basis. Sometimes it works and it brings back the smile I love the most and sometimes it doesn't. 

When it doesn't I just have to remind myself to give her time and that the best thing I can do for her is hold her hand, comfort her, make her feel safe and take that fear as seriously as she takes it - even if it doesn't make sense like that black mark on her shoe - because at this stage, logic just isn't going to cut it. Sometimes you just have to pretend that there are monsters under the bed and you're super mommy who can defeat them because telling them monsters don't exist isn't helping. So just get your magic wand, golden finger gun or that pillow of light and blast those monsters away. EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT.

That being said, there are somethings you don't stay and fight. Spiders are one of them. If you see one, just RUN. Take your child and RUN. Don't stop. Don't look back. 

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