Nuffnang

Wednesday, 10 May 2017

Mamas, It's Okay To Be Okay!


"I love motherhood. I really do but sometimes I feel guilty for loving it too much. It's like I have everything working well, healthy body, time, energy and a relatively good baby. It's like things are going too well and I feel guilty cause I'm not "suffering" like everyone else. I'm not sad, I'm not Emo, I'm not having PPD. And then I wonder if I'm not doing something right or if I'm too chilled or I'm too easy..."

Recently a friend shared that with me. She's a new mom and she was sharing with me how she loves being a mother but how that happiness makes her feel guilty. It was like she was struggling with accepting how smooth things were going for her and how she needed to "struggle" to be real. At that moment, I was so happy for her and I wish I was in her shoes because I've been very open with how difficult I found motherhood. I'd give anything to be her but it saddened me that she thought she had to be "unhappy" to be a good mom. That's when I realised that just because I found motherhood difficult and struggled with it doesn't mean that every mom should or is. 

We're in an era where people speak out without fear and I love it. I love how issues that used to stay hidden can be brought to light so no one ever needs to "suffer in silence" anymore. But more and more I feel like people want to look like the don't have it all. Like they thrive on imperfection. They look at perfection or happiness as something that is "bad" and "undesirable". Being teased, suicide, ppd, anxiety, mess, and everything under the sun is glorified. Suddenly everyone is a victim of something and if you're not a victim you're weird or sheltered or aren't doing enough.

But you know what, just because life wasn't perfect for you doesn't mean that everyone has to have it imperfect too. That is just crazy and plain rude. It's like how I hate bananas and suddenly everyone can't enjoy bananas also. And if you happen to like bananas, shame on you! But that's exactly what we're becoming and I personally don't subscribe to it.

Good for you for being vocal about your imperfections. Good for you for sharing. Good for you for being relatable to others who are in the same position as you. Good for you for sharing your story. Good for you. Really. But don't go around thinking that everyone needs to suffer with you. Don't go around forcing it down everyone's throat. Don't go around judging others who aren't imperfect. Don't go around making those who are happy feel bad just because you're not.

I told my friend this. More like telling myself also.

"Be happy. Be you. Be good at what you do. Be brave and own your happiness. You deserve to be happy. Enjoy that happiness. Embrace that happiness. Be glad that you have that happiness and DON'T EVER FEEL GUILTY about it. "



And really why do you want to be imperfect? Why do you want to struggle? I am and have always been a perfectionist. I don't get why I need to have a lower standard just to look more human? Screw that. I want to be happy, I want to have it all, I want to be good at motherhood, at being a wife and at being myself. I want to be able to juggle everything and have everything. Most of all, I want to be happy doing it all. But I know I fall short a lot of times. I struggle. But I want to get better all the time. 

Just because I am still on my way doesn't mean that I should be bitter or unhappy for those who have everything. In fact I should use them as inspiration to get to where I want to be. Instead of saying how "lucky" they are for not having it bad or making them feel less because they aren't suffering. Or making them feel bad for being able to get help so that they can do it all. 

I get that motherhood is hard. But you know what, it isn't always hard and that there are people who thrive on it. There are people who are born mothers. There are people who love it. There are people who enjoy the sleepless nights. Who recover faster. Who juggle better. Who have help and bounce back faster. Who can do it all because they're just good at it. And you know what, if you're one of those moms, good for you! Don't feel guilty. You definitely don't have to! Enjoy your motherhood experience. Enjoy the journey. Enjoy your kids and be happy.

Don't feel bad that there are other moms who are struggling while you're happy. Seriously, what kind of life will that be. If that's the case, then give up your houses and cars because there will always be homeless people on the street. At the end of the day, how you feel is how you feel. You should never be ashamed of it. If you find something worth being happy for, grab it. And I for one think a new motherhood journey is one that should invoke happiness. And if you have it yay you! 

Come, I will celebrate with you and throw you a damn party! I'm so proud and happy for you.

I for one wished mine was happier. But it is what it is. So I hope with my second it is less tears, more joy. That's why I'm taking all the steps necessary to make sure it is. Always remember that it's okay to be okay. 

Please don't ever feel like you're less of a mother just because you aren't suffering. Seriously. 

-Ally

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