Friday, 5 May 2017

"Love You!" - How She Sees Me.

I've collapsed on the couch. A heap mess of tiredness, sweat and feeling like a whale at 32 weeks. If there's anything I really want is some moment of quietness. Of course, that isn't happening. Less than a minute later "pranggggg". The bowl that was holding LittleLim's oranges is on the floor the metal bowl clanging hard on the tiles. I feel my blood boil because if there's one thing I hate, it's mess. But accidents happen and I pluck myself off the couch and head over all smiles comforting her that accidents indeed do happen and that she needs to be more careful in the future. I tell her "love you" and go ahead and clean it up. 

She's sitting on her Stokke watching some iPad. I'm too busy doing the laundry and washing dishes from lunch to entertain her. Suddenly I hear her cry and poke my head out. She's on the floor and crying. Clearly climbed the chair and fell even when I told her not to over and over again. I breathe out hard, toddlers! She sees me come closer and cries harder. Instead of scolding her for disobeying me, I pick her up and told her again that this is why we sit properly on chairs. I comfort her and tell her "love you" and go back to my chores. 

She's doing some art while I'm paying our bills online. She stops drawing, she looks up at me, holds my hand and says "love you". It sounded more like "ROVE YOU" (*laughs* my daughter has her Ls and Rs mixed up for a while now) but the impact was there. Everything makes sense and the purpose of why you do what you do becomes clear.  The way they look at you with such sincerity and honesty - you cannot doubt their genuinity. No inch of malice or doubt. It's clear that they see you as whole as their everything. And like children, they desire you their parent. 

These surprise attacks remind you why you try your best to mother. Why you give your best to them. To make sure they never go a day without realising that they are loved even when things don't go right, even when they make mistakes, even when they have booboos and fall short - they never forget that they are loved. That your love for them is unconditional and that they will always be loved. 

It's when she's secure and confident that she will always be loved is when she is able to show what love is. When love begets love, I always remind myself to repeat how much I love my children. When she tells me she loves me, she's not only telling me she needs me, she's telling me she knows she is loved. And when she knows she's loved, I know I'm doing this mother thing right. 


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