Nuffnang

Tuesday, 18 April 2017

Declutter

photo: generaltaygeneraltay.tumblr.com
Yesterday I was feeling so many things and couldn't find the words to describe how I was feeling. So much was going through my head that needed to come out. I wanted to write about the experiences from my travels to Perth and Seoul, share my thoughts, my second pregnancy, what's happening in my life and instead, no words could give me that satisfaction I yearned. 

I hate those moments the most when words fail me. Whether it's called writer's block or just a lack of figurative and literal inspiration - whatever it was, words couldn't be used and all I had were just emotions, feelings and thoughts that were knotted up together. I stared at my journal, blog, and social media willing for some spark of creativity, imagination, inspiration anything that would get the ball rolling only to be faced with more frustration. It was there right at the tip of my tongue, mind, fingers... instead all I saw was that blinking "I" and silence. Taunting me. Haunting me. 

"Damn" was all I can muster under my breath. Loud enough to release whatever pent up frustration buried deep. Loud just enough for my ears and my satisfaction and not for the ears of a certain two year old oblivious to what was happening to mommy. 

Well, if blocking was what was happening, then that blocking was what I am going to embrace. I was going to give it it's rightful moment and admit defeat. Maybe it's not time yet. Maybe I'm going through something. Maybe I'm transitioning. Whatever it is, I will let it take me to where it wants me to go. It wasn't as if I had nothing because I had plenty. Plenty happening, plenty to say, plenty to do. It was just that I wasn't feeling it. 

So, I gave up and went to clean my kitchen. Maybe it's my brain telling me "priorities" or my nesting hormones going into overdrive - whatever it was I cleaned. Start with the clutter I told myself. I got down to it - "expired" throw. "Haven't used in 3 months" - throw. "A layer of dust" - throw. As each throw happened I felt lighter, soon I was enjoying it way too much. 3 hours later my kitchen pantry looks spick and span, everything was back in it's rightful place and things that didn't have a place now has. I wrote a grocery list of things I needed to stock up on - only the necessities I tell myself. I made labels for everything. I felt free

Just like that this post happened. Maybe it was because I had too much in my head that I couldn't find what I was looking for. Maybe it was just too much of everything that had left me uninspired and stuck. Maybe I couldn't see what I needed past the clutter and the mess to get to where I wanted to be, to find the exact emotion, feeling, thought to get through to the word. Just like my kitchen, I needed to sort my head first. 

Anyway, I'm on a partial social media purge / fast in hopes to simplify and declutter my life before the second one arrives. I enjoyed cleaning the kitchen so much I've made it a home project to declutter the rest of my house as well. Hoping to be done before I pop. Till next time. 

-Ally

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