Saturday, 11 March 2017

The Rainbow Of My Motherhood

I tried describing my motherhood journey with colours, and this is what it looks like.


Red reminds me of intensity. That would be the moment I brought LittleLim into the world. The rawest moment in my life would be at that moment of childbirth when everything in the world no longer mattered except being there. Engulfed in the intense pain of each contraction, the intense mix of emotions with each push and later the intense feeling of overwhelming love. Unconditional love. The moment she was placed on my chest and I felt myself die and I knew from my core that I would give and dedicate my life and purpose to her, that nothing is more perfect other than her and that I would protect her with my life. 


Orange reminds me of warmth. A pleasant hum, not bright enough to burn yet not dull enough to be forgotten. Orange reminds me of warm hugs and bed time snuggles. It reminds me of the moments LittleLim shows me affection or when she holds my hand to sleep. It's the warmth of her body as she inches closer to me in the middle of the night seeking me. It's the energy she carries with her as she runs towards me with arms wide open and hugs me tight. 


Yellow is bright and sunny. It's the genuine laughs LittleLim gives when something brings her joy, the best sound in the world. It's the way she sees the world with such innocence and the way she lives so freely untainted by the world. The way she finds happiness over the simplest of things or how a raspberry kiss sends her into a fit of giggles. It's the tiny babbles and conversations I have with her. It's the way she goes "weee!" when we're driving or the way her eyes light up when she sees food. It's the way she goes around unburdened by the problems of the world with a glint in her eye and hope in her heart. She is my sun. She is yellow. 


Green reminds me of growth. Like a sprout bursting from the seed. It gives me a promise of a future and for me motherhood is that. Personal growth for me and building LittleLim's future. Making sure I always find a balance for myself and a constant learning curve. To be the best I can so I can help her be reach her potential. Giving her the right nutrients, love and proper foundation to grow up right. To make a brighter future for herself, to set her on the right path so that she can be a positive contribution to society and to carry on our legacy. Green reminds me of youth and how she is my little seedling. To prepare and equip her to weather the storms and environmental influences that will come her way. I am put responsible for her growth and her future.


Blue is all the hard and difficult moments of motherhood. Sacrifices have to be made and hard decisions are many. It's a long and arduous journey. Sometimes it's lonely and some days it feels like no one understands. Mommy guilt and insecurities hit when things go bad. Like a storm cloud it comes and messes with you. Days when being a mother is the last thing you want to do. Stormy days where the kid is not being cooperative. It's for days when you feel like you're in constant disagreement with everything and nothing is going right in your world and feeling overwhelming hopelessness. It's days of blue when it feels like the end of the world, all you want is to hide in bed or the shower and have a good cry.


Indigo is the quiet moments after periods of blue. Times of stillness and seriousness. It's when I'm contemplating life and this journey of motherhood. It's when I am reminded I am a person and that I cannot do this alone. These are moment of resilience and perseverance as I regain my strength and composure. I turn to God, Hubbycat and my family for strength and guidance because I cannot do this alone. It's where I reconnect with my spirituality, purpose and heart. It's where I tell myself to get up and keep going. 

Violet (Purple)

Violet, the color of royalty. A reminder that I am royalty- as a mother, a wife but most of all a woman. A woman of integrity, power and nobility. A woman that I want to be proud of for the principles and beliefs I hold and live by. A woman who holds herself and her family in high esteem and respect because she is to be respected. It's respecting myself first and foremost and knowing how valuable I am. It's respecting my heart, mind and body and giving it the proper treatment it deserves so that I can be the best version of myself to me, my husband, my child and the people around me. It's raising up children who knows their royal value and worth. Children who are secure and confident because of me. 


White is the sacredness of the role I have been given. The responsibility to steward and raise children who will be confident and brave to live. To equip them with the values, beliefs and characters that will show their true nature and purpose in life. It's the purity and innocence of the lives that have been bestowed to me and how I add colour on to it.


Black are the days where I feel everything. Every colour, every emotion, relive every moment. It's when motherhood is a mix of the good and bad. It's for the ups and downs and in betweens. It's knowing that I am a woman, wife and mother and I'm left feeling so humble, so in awe and so touched by something so wonderful, miraculous and beautiful. 


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