Wednesday, 7 September 2016

I Miss You

It's 1.55am 7 September 2016. I just put you back to bed. I look down on your sleeping face and hear your tiny snores. You've grown so much in the 19 months of life. I remember bringing you home from the hospital and feeling so overwhelmed at how small you are and how new I was at this mother thing. I worried incessantly about keeping you alive because you were so helpless and I was so helpless. 

Today you are 19 months and not so helpless anymore. I stared at your sleeping face and see how beautiful you've become. Your features are so clear now. I stare at you in your peaceful slumber and all I can think is how much I miss you. 

I laugh quietly hoping not to wake you. I never imagined myself as a mommy and here I am, your mommy and all I can think of is how you have captured my heart. I miss you when you go to sleep. I miss the noises you make, the silly things you do, the antics you always get yourself into and the mini heart attacks you constantly give me. 

It's funny how I always say I miss my alone time, but the truth is, any moment not spent with you makes me want to run back to you. I honestly do not know how to do "me" time anymore but it's okay. I remind myself that you won't be little forever. Just look at how fast 19 months has gone by, how you no longer have any of those newborn features and characteristics anymore. 

Slowly you'll outgrow your mommy, slowly you'll want your space and your independence, slowly you'll find other things and other people. It makes me sad at the realisation that you'll never love me as much as you do now. And suddenly, I miss you even more. 


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