Nuffnang

Tuesday, 20 September 2016

Hello. I'm a Stay-At-Home-Mom.


I'm Ally. I was an A student in school (except for Maths and Physics which I hate with a passion. Although now that I think about it, I think I wasn't bad at it but I was just too lazy to work on it because it didn't excite me), I have held on to many achievements and leadership roles growing up, I went to college and later on to University where I graduated with an Economics degree. I did well in my Economics papers and have garnered much approval from my lecturers and tutors. I was going to go into policy making and many thought it was a great decision. 

None of my accomplishments, awards, merits and education matters once I tell people that I am now a stay-at-home-mom. Once people hear about my choice in life they've minimised me, whether unconsciously, out of care or condescendingly to someone who is uneducated, reclusive or that have made the biggest mistake in life by throwing it all away instead of making use of whatever I have garnered for personal development. I honestly don't blame them because the old childless me would have thought the same.

Ever since LittleLim came into the picture I've been struggling to find pride in being a stay-at-home mom. When the question of what do I do for a living arises, I find a need to stress my accomplishments along with being a mom because I feel ashamed to admit that I'm just a stay-at-home mom. I say things like "Oh, I graduated with an Economics degree but I'm a mom now" or "I've worked for XXX but I gave it up to be a mom" or "I'm juggling between SGP and motherhood". 

It wasn't until recently where I realised that there was nothing to be ashamed about my choice to be a stay-at-home mom. I'm lucky to even be able to choose this path. I realised that I am in a unique position today to be a stay-at-home mom and share my story to a world that places priority on achievements, statuses and merits. I am in a position to share my experience of being a stay-at-home mom and letting others know that it is just as much an achievement as any other well-meaning job out there.

The problem wasn't my choice. The problem was me. I was insecure, unsure, ashamed. But no longer. This is who I am. I'm a stay-at-home mom. My days are just as crazy, my problems are just as big, my boss (who is 19 month old) is just as demanding and unapologetic, my schedule goes overtime most days and when I'm not saving a stuffed bunny from drowning I take a 5 minute lunch break or hide in the toilet until my boss comes looking for me again. While I may not be coming up with plans to end world hunger, I'm solving hunger issues at home. While I may not have economic policies to help our economy, I'm at home using economic policies to grow my household income. My office may not be a four poster desk space but my office is just as crazy, just as demanding and my role is a plenty. 

So before you feel bad for me, before you start to pity me, before you start to say "but you've worked so hard for your degree!" or "is that all?" know that I am fine and I am proud. I may be tired beyond recognition and have designer bags under my eyes but I am thankful for the opportunity to be with my kid(s) all day long and enjoy these moments that seem to be gone way too fast. After all, they're only babies once. If you need a reason to celebrate with me, know this - everyday I spend with my kid, I'm learning just as much from them as they do from me. They help me in my personal growth and they teach me some of the most valuable and priceless lessons in life. So if you must, celebrate that. 

This is my story. I may not have achieved my dream of being a corporate leader but I am just as much as a leader at home. This is my new normal now, my new phase in life, my new chapter. If you like, come on board and follow me on my journey. If you're a stay-at-home mom yourself, know that I celebrate with you and feel with you. What you go through I go through too. You are not alone and we will figure this out together.

-Ally

105 comments:

  1. Love this post. I think SAHMs sacrifice a lot. Time, dreams, even identity. All to raise the next generation well. I think that's worth more than any corporate promotions or bonuses, and will leave a legacy bigger than any job title. Keep on keeping on!

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    1. Thank you Nat for your kind words! Not just SAHM but also all mothers in general sacrifice plenty for their kids <3 And for the reminder to keep my eye on the prize - the next generation. Have a good day ahead!

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  2. Hi Ally, I was like you. I couldn't find pride being a SAHM because of the career and achievements I used to have. But now, I find my pride in homemaking and raising my kids. They grow up too fast. Time with them is irreplaceable.
    Keep it going, Ally. Chin up and soldier on! I'm with you, so as many other SAHM's.
    -Grace @ lifegracelove.com

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    1. You are an inspiration! I hope to be just as proud of my title as you are. They do grow up so fast. Thank you for your kind words and for stopping by :) Have a wonderful day Grace!

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  3. Good read. I believe there is no shame in your choice, in fact, chances are you work harder than all of us. Having a child is tough, really tough. Up early in the morning and go to bed really late too. I salute your commitment and bravery to give it all up to be a sahm

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    1. Thank Cynthia! I think all moms do the same, it's definitely about appreciating moms. I'm glad I'm able to accept being a SAHM now and not feel bad about it. It helps with lots of affirmation and support from people like you <3 Thank you again! Have a great day!

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  4. ohhh dear, thanks for the words and articles, feeling better after reading it as i am a SAHM soon in a month time now... Hug & Kisses !

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    1. Thank YOU for reading! And congratulations on your new title soon ;) May you find courage, patience and strength in your new position! Appreciate all those moments (Even the really crazy demanding ones, they are fleeting). God bless! <3

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  5. This is a great post Ally! It's defo a great thing to be a stay-at-home mum to raise little Lim. I can testify that cause my mom also made the conscious decision to do so. We sure did go through the craziness during uni but I think you are a true champion with what you do. Kudos and full respect momma Lim! much love Ni.

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    1. Hi Boss! :D haha! Thank you so much for reading and leaving me such an encouraging post! Aunt Rose is an inspiration! I hope one day I'll be as great as her and LittleLim and her future siblings grow up to be great people like you and your siblings! HAve a great day Ni!! <3

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  6. you are lucky Ally. Many want to be a stay at home mom. believe me. enjoy it!.

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    1. Thank you! It is truly a blessing and I can't believe I felt so belittled and small last time. Thank you again for your comment! I appreciate it very much!

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  7. Hello Ally,thanks for sharing,somehow I feel relieved reading this. All the best.

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    1. Hi! Thank you for reading! I'm glad you too found your relief and are able to stand prouder and taller that you are a SAHM :) Take care.

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  8. At the end of the day, it's a choice. Just stay true to it.

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    1. Very true. But there will be days where I am weak. Everyday is a new day, a new challenge and a new battle. There will be days where I will question myself again, days where I fall weak and days where I struggle to be proud but it's okay. Life is always full of ups and downs, the main thing is to remember that it's okay to fall but you must get back up. It's okay to doubt yourself but you must find out why and fight for your decisions. Have a great day!

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  9. my plan for the longest time was to quit my job when i have a kid and spend all my time with them :). I'm not sure if I'd have the privilege to though!

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    1. I'm sure even as a working mom you're fighting to give your child the best. I personally feel working moms have their own struggles too. The important thing is that you give and do your best to provide the best for your child within your means. If you're a working mom, be proud to be a working mom. Your child will see that and they will appreciate that. Good luck!

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  10. I'm a sahm for one yr 3mths now, it's true, i feel down sometimes because it's quite lonely journey. Reading your post make me feel good abt my role as a mother.

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    1. Yes! I agree about the loneliness. Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only mom struggling. Hang in there mommy! If you ever need a virtual friend, do drop me an email or something. Have a great day!

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  11. Agree with you. Being sahm is not easy but is still joyous because you witness many baby/toddler milestones. My story is bit different that I was very concerned and worried whether my little 14 months old toddler would know I am his mummy, not my hearing impairement. Now he still calls me Mummy although he does not understand what hearing impaired meant. I do not regret I resigned my job even our financial is so tightening.

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    1. Hi Kris! Thank you for sharing your worry with me. I'm sure your kid will know who mommy is. Kids don't see the flaws. My mom has always been sick (battling SLE) but my fondest memories of her are good and not her sickness. Hang in there! And I'm glad you feel good about making the transition from working mom to SAHM. It is important to feel proud because your child will pick up on your emotions. Good Lucks!

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  12. I salute SAHM. The skills they need to thrive range from problem solving, project management, negotiation, teaching, marketing, etc... makes them a lot more resilient & competent than many other people. To say that SAHM has easy life is far from the truth. Such women sacrifice their career to raise fine children who will one day be the leaders of tomorrow are much better than those who leave parenting to the maid. Kudos to you madam!

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  13. After reading, it brings tears..i felt im torn apart..bcos i felt that as a working mother, i can't give my best to my daughter, neither can i give my best to my work..i felt ashamed too,as isn't this supposed to be a very easy decision to make? Child or work? Who should be the priority? And i've to thank you for knocking some sense into me...

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    1. I'm so sorry Yan Fang. That is not my intent at all! I don't think it's an easy decision at all and I really salute moms who work just as much. I think there is no best whether it's working moms or stay at home moms. That was the purpose of my post. It is important to be the best in where you are whether working or not. Your child will see mommy working hard to give them the best and that is what they will take away from this. So don't feel bad for working instead, be the best at your workplace. Hang in there mommy!

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  14. One of the thing why me myself preferred my lovely wife stay at home.. to become a super protector to 4 kids.

    Be proud sis

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    1. haha! That's an awesome way to see it Che Deen! I will thank you!

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  15. Thank you Ally it seems like you wrote that for me..were on the same boat..so let's rock everyday mommy..

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    1. Thank you for leaving me a comment and letting me know I'm not alone Ct Nur! Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only mommy struggling at home. Yes, let's give our best. Have a lovely day!

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  16. Lovely read!Felt as if I looked into the rear view mirror. Was there before too and I did try to go back to work when my son was 5 to experiment my marketability. Then chose to stay home as it felt right for me and my growing family..I feel blessed that I was able have this privilege to see my children grow. Lesson learnt 1. There is a season for everything and this is the season to u have the joy to enjoy ur children. 2. the skills that u have are never lost.s o when the time is right u can go back and evolve your profile into something new.Enjoy this phase.. it goes by very very fast.

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    1. I love this babe! Thank you for sharing your lessons with me. You are right, this is a phase in my life where I get to be home and enjoy my child and that I can always return when I feel ready. Thank you for reminding me again. You have a wonderful day mama!

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  17. Hi Ally! You don't need to justify your choice to be a SAHM. I have been one for 12 years now, and I can tell you that it's ok. It's actually great because I do love being home with my kids. I said it's ok in a sense that there is nothing wrong with being a SAHM. I graduated in Accountancy, spent some time in Rome (Italy) doing investment analysis, headed a Group Corporate Communications department at one of KL's leading investment bank, before I fell in love with my baby and decided to just stay home. I have 3 sons now, my goons as I call them. I've meddled in my own home based business, but I put that aside because it defeated my whole purpose of being a SAHM. Now my 3 boys are older, so I can find time to do my hobbies and try business again. But my priority is still my kids.They are thriving well now, and I have never regretted leaving my job. Big hugs to you dear, all the best and just be happy, that's most important... xox

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    1. Thank you Jules! You are an inspiration! I hope to be as good as you in 12 years time <3 And thank you for letting me know that it's will never be too late to chase my hobbies, passion and dreams. Biggest hugs to you too. Your family is blessed to have you in their lives.

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  18. Hi Ally!! I am with u!! I was a practicing lawyer before giving up my job to be a SAHM. Nothing is more challenging than being a SAHM to me! But it's rewarding and satisfying and worth every sweat and tear when u see the smile on your child's face! Proud of u! Lots of hugs to u : )

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    1. Yes! Motherhood is definitely one of the most challenging things I've ever done in my life! It's difficult but I agree, the rewards are so great. That smile on your child's face just makes everything worth it! keep mothering on mama! Hugs*

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  19. Lovely read!Felt as if I looked into the rear view mirror. Was there before too and I did try to go back to work when my son was 5 to experiment my marketability. Then chose to stay home as it felt right for me and my growing family..I feel blessed that I was able have this privilege to see my children grow. Lesson learnt 1. There is a season for everything and this is the season to u have the joy to enjoy ur children. 2. the skills that u have are never lost.s o when the time is right u can go back and evolve your profile into something new.Enjoy this phase.. it goes by very very fast.

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  20. Such a well written piece Ally, I enjoyed reading it thank you.

    I work full time but my guilt is two fold. I feel guilty when I'm working for not spending time with my children and I also feel guilty for not working when I am home.

    That's my inner critic speaking. Since I realised this, I'm liberated from my inner judgements. I'm choosing to love my children and love my work without the guilt.

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    1. Thank YOU for reading Swanee :) I agree with you on the guilt part. I struggle with it too. There are good days and there are some really bad days where I berate myself. At the end of the day, it's as you have said - I refocus my energy on my family and loving them means giving them my best. And if we have given our best, we shouldn't feel guilty about it. Keep soldiering on mama!

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    2. What a fighter! You go girl 💪🏻

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  21. Great post! Totally can relate. People tend to give me that expression whenever I say Im SAHM. Somehow I felt i was being judged of being uneducated (hello, i have finance degree for goodness sake) or ur life must be so dull or u dont do anything for a living. Believe it or not people tend to see SAHM are uneducated low level class. And it does get to me sometimes. I felt so sad and useless at times. But then i see my 18months old son being so happy and learning new things, growing up in front of my eyes, I feel ok. I feel content and happy.

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    1. Exactly! It's so good to know that I'm not alone. I felt like me being a SAHM suddenly discredited my intelligence, skill and achievements. It was so disheartening when people insist I work so that I don't "waste" my skill or end up becoming "dull". It really messed with my confidence a lot and I really felt so upset for the longest time. Writing this post was empowering for me because I was finally able to admit that it's great to be a SAHM and there's nothing to feel sorry or weak about. I'm glad we're able to embrace our new statuses and feel empowered to be SAHM. Hang in there and keep doing what you're doing mama!

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  22. An inspirational read! I was working through my 2 kids' baby stages and when I got retrenched after my 3rd baby, I decided to stop working and be a sahm. Though we were not very well to do, I was very glad by being more thrifty we could make by and I was thankful that I could stay home and take care of my kids ans family! Though it feels weird having to get allowance from hubby but its all worth it. I get to see through my 3rd's childhood and nothing beats that.

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    1. Wow! Thanks for sharing your story with me Sujun. And I'm glad you are enjoying your new role as a SAHM <3 It's really such a blessing to be able to watch them grow up in front of our eyes. I'm so glad you're able to embrace being a SAHM and loving it! Thank you again for your story.

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  23. Have you not heard about the interview on the toughest job in the world and yet no pay, no off day and yet you are still there? Give yourself a pat on your back.

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  24. Every mom, working or stay at home is a tough job nowadays, as we all have a tough job to juggle. I did the SAHM for a bit, and rejoined the work force a year and half ago, and even when I was a SAHM I needed my own space, as ultimately while having children and caring for them is important, our view of ourselves as individuals are important to develop and impart as we continue to grow together with our children. Either way both working/SAHM should have positive attitude towards themselves and believe what they are doing is the best for the child and or family, and look beyond what the current world impose upon us the unnecessary pressure of being a superwoman.

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    1. I couldn't say it any better Stef! I feel just as strongly as you regarding this issue. Be it working moms or SAHM, at the end of the day we all mother. What is most important is knowing and acknowledging that being a mother is hard. We should not discredit one or the other but empower each other. Afterall don't all mothers want the best for their kids at the end of the day? Don't we all do what we can to provide our kids the best given our circumstances. I agree that what is most important is being the best we can whether it's working or SAHM and being proud of it. Thanks again for this comment.

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  25. Hi. I have Master Degree in Construction. and I'm WAHM (resign my job cause my baby reject bottle feed). few month struggling to adapt with my new life, don't have permanent salary and can't shopping like the old times.

    It's okey. I assume it as temporary

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    1. It definitely is temporary as you find yourself adjusting to your new normal. I hope things get better for you soon. Take care mama!

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  26. What an inspiring article ! I'm also a SAHM started two weeks ago ! Let's keep it up the good job and grow with our kid together ! The most wonderful and precious moment not to be missed :)

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    1. Thank you Sze Ying! And yay to your new title. May your days be filled with love and a lot of patience. Our bosses are demanding and literally hard to understand but hang in there mama! Treasure those moments as it goes by so quickly. Good luck and do your best!

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  27. Your writing resonates my exact sentiments. We are in the same "boat" except my "boss" is an 11yo, who's always hungry and thinks his mummy runs a 24hr cafeteria. Not complaining, in fact its one of the best things I pick up ever since I turn SAHM 2.5yrs ago.

    You make the right decision of staying at home while your lil gem is still young. You have no idea how regretful I feel at times missing out my son's early years. Now am getting a lot like - ok once he's done with PSLE, you can get back to work. He'll be a teen, independent et al...

    Am not sure what come may, whether I will return to corporate life (I slogged 15 years in IT industry fyi). However if my hubby and I still have the "luxury", we rather continue this SAHM-hood. For all the more I think I need to spend more time with teen-to-be-boy.

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    1. Hi Liza! Thank you for your comment. I'm so encouraged by your story and relieved that you did not regret your decision to be a SAHM. I would just like to add that you shouldn't regret your decision to work as well as it was the best thing that needed to be done at that moment. Be proud that you did what was necessary for the best of your son. As for the future, you're right that we cannot see that far. For now, cherish those moments you have in front of you and when the time comes may you have the courage and wisdom to do what fits you and your family. Good luck mama!

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  28. Hear! Hear! Loved all the bits and also the comments that followed. I believe wholeheartedly that we women should only empower each other in our unique journeys. Keep on writing and God bless :)

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    1. Thank you Emeelea. The world certainly needs more people like you :) Have a great day and God bless.

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  29. Hi ally, I can relate to you as I, too quit my job last December to raise my own girl who is 17 months now. I too had felt worthless and at times questioned myself if it would have been better for me to be a working mum. But each time I look at my daughter and know that she is getting all of mummy (love,attention, home cooked meals, play dates, home activities) I know this is the best decision. No other person can raise our own children as well as we do!

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    1. Congratulations on your new title. You are definitely not alone as I too have doubted myself and my decision. Somedays I still question myself but I know it is important to remind myself of the big picture and that I will not want my daughter to see SAHM as something that is weak / less. Be proud of your new title and give your best. Hang in there and you are the best for your child indeed!

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  30. The mother has the sacred responsibility of educating her child. She must bear in mind that every little baby in created in the image of God, but the parents and teachers of the world are changing that image, and that universality, purity and simplicity of heart, and are giving the child a wrong and limited education.If a child is left in its natural state and deprived of education, there is no doubt that it will grow up in ignorance and illiteracy, its mental faculties dulled and dimmed; in fact, it will become like an animal. This is evident among the savages of central Africa, who are scarcely
    higher than the beast in mental development.
    The child when born is far from being perfect. It is not only helpless, but actually is imperfect, and even is naturally inclined towards evil. He should be trained, his natural inclinations harmonized, adjusted and controlled, and if necessary suppressed or regulated, so as to insure his healthy physical and moral development. Mothers cannot simply adopt an attitude of non-resistance towards their children, particularly those who are unruly and violent by nature. It is not even sufficient that they should pray on their behalf. Rather they should endeavour to inculcate, gently and patiently, into their youthful minds such principles of moral conduct with such tactful and loving care as would enable them to become 'true children of God and develop into loyal and intelligent citizens of His Kingdom.



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    1. Thank you for the reminder! Have a great day!

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  31. Hi Ally. It takes humongous courage to resign your job and be a full time mommy. You defitenely work harder and achieve more than any of us who are working. All the best and stay strong!

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    1. Thank you but I believe you working moms work just as hard too! At the end of the day we all do what we do so that we are able to give our kids the best life possible. Have a lovely day and keep doing what you're doing with pride!

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  32. Greetings to you Ally, I am joleen. A sahm for 6 yrs and counting. I am working for three CEOs ( 6 yr old, twins 4 yrs old ) all boys at the moment. Days are indeed long and my degree certs are somewhere under or beneath those big pile of papers deep inside the storeroom, its tough job indeed. But when my bosses cry, I know I can hug them immediately. My bosses smile and giggle, I turned to them and share their happiness too. These all can't be bought or wait. I am blessed to have this chance.

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    1. Wow! Thank you for sharing your story and experience with me! You are an inspiration and I hope I will have your tenacity and strength. I absolutely agree with you that it is truly a blessing to be able to appreciate and witness these special moments. Have a wonderful day mama!

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  33. With my respect...
    I was like you too dear..
    More worse .. Still recovering my body for all the painful delivering the baby .. But ...
    I have raise my kid he is well now.. Not admitted yet since I look after him by myself...


    It's just a great...
    Great moments n satisfied at all... Have a good day :)

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    1. WOW! You are such a strong mama! Hope you have a speedy recovery and baby is alright. Wishing you all the best in your new chapter and journey. Appreciate these quiet moments with your baby as it flies away so quickly. Good luck!

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  34. In our society, we often recognise just corporate success and that is what we have always thought to strive to achieve. Therefore, it takes a lot of courage to choose another path and be okay with it. Kudos to you for making the best choice for your family. Being a mom, or a dad, is a great responsibility and a darn hard job!
    All the best, Ju

    - Kamponginthenorth.com

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    1. Thanks you for the encouragement Ju! Have a lovely day!

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  35. Thank you for posting and sharing your story with many of us who are struggling! Although I'm not yet a Sahm, however, my 15 weeks of ML (this 2nd time round) will definitely give me a better idea on what it may be like to be a SAHM in time to come. In fact, I have many friends in church who chose to be SAHM and forgoing corporate statuses and all. I for one, do not think this is a sacrifice because in the Bible, women are told to stay home and take care of the household (Proverbs 31). We are indeed responsible (teamwork with the hubs) for raising up the next generation and it is not at all a sacrifice. As with other vocations, motherhood is the greatest of all. As for the corporate university deg that you mentioned, I'm sure it will be put into good use one way or another when the occasion arises. Way to go all of you SAHM! It's definitely not easy, but, it is definitely fulfilling. I'm sure all of us will never trade for anything in the world for an experience as such!

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    1. Thank you for your encouragement Alethea! I am sure working moms like yourself put in just as much effort in raising their kids and giving their best too. Congratulations (in advance) for your second child. I wish you a smooth delivery and recovery. Hope your maternity leave gives you a good chance to be with your family too. Have a lovely day!

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  36. Hey ally, thanks for sharing your story. I have a masters degree in chemistry and became a SAHM recently (not by choice!) much to the disapproval of my superiors and mum. I felt angry and resentful. There's never a day I don't think about going bk to work and the career progression I sacrificed just to be at home for my kids. Thanks for letting me know that I am not alone and yes, we are leaders in our own way.

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    1. Hugs* It must have been a tough decision to make. Yes, you are not alone and I understand completely. I hope you'll embrace your new SAHM title with pride as it is a noble job indeed. Be strong mama and be the best for your child. Have a lovely day!

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  37. How i wish i could be like you. U made a right decision. Dont give up, there r many mother out there wish to be like u.

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    1. Thanks Yantie for your encouragement. Don't be discouraged that you are not able to be a SAHM. Instead feel proud that you're doing your best for your child given your circumstances. Give your best and your child will be able to see you giving your best and appreciate your for it in the future. Be strong mama!

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  38. Hi... I am mummy of 3 monster. I am glad that you are ones of the lucky girl can be SAHM. I wish to be SAHM but the conditions not allowed. Gambateh!!

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  39. Hi... I am mummy of 3 monster. I am glad that you are ones of the lucky girl can be SAHM. I wish to be SAHM but the conditions not allowed. Gambateh!!

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    1. Thanks Joey for your encouragement. Don't be discouraged that you are not able to be a SAHM. Instead feel proud that you're doing your best for your child given your circumstances. I certainly believe working moms sacrifice a lot for their children too. Hang in there and be the best in your workplace! Hugs*

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  40. Hi Ally ��

    A dear BFF tagged me this post on FB Andi would just like to thank you for writing that blog ���������� I'm also a SAHM but also worked before and I honestly couldn't really adjust from career women to full time Mommy job but after a year has passed since I resign I have made peaced with the old me and now have loads of new adventures with my kiddies ������ God bless you for such a positive outlook as a SAHM and may we always have the strength to carry out this sacred duty ���������� Have a nice day ������

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    1. Hi Alna :) Thanks for your kind words. I'm so happy to hear that you're enjoying being a SAHM now and being proud about it! So so happy for you. I'm so glad to know that I wasn't the only one who struggled and you have encouraged me that it only gets better. Keep being amazing mama! <3

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  41. I was like you too...often insecure and embarrassed of the fact that I was a SAHM to my 3 girls (now aged 15, 13 and 7)...Our Payment comes much later...for me, it's when people compliment my teenagers for being well brought up, good girls etc....and when my girls still come for mom hugs for comfort, when they want me to accompany them out instead of saying they want to go with their friends...all these little things give me the purest satisfaction and make me feel I did the right thing!!You're doing an awesome job mommy!!

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    1. Wow! You are such an inspiration Daphne! Thank you for encouraging me with your story! Your girls are so blessed to have you as their mom and I can sense how proud you feel right now. I hope I will be able to be a great mom just like you. Have a wonderful day mama!

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  42. Hi Ally,

    That was a great read, and I can relate to pretty much all you've mentioned and perhaps more. You see...I'm a SAHDad, and I've been looking after my kids for about 3yrs now. We've got a 3 year old and a 1 year old, both of whom have been mainly under my care since they were born. My wife and I made the decision to look after our kids ourselves, and it made more sense for my wife to continue working since she's earns more (not to mention working Moms get the perks for childcare etc).

    I've thought about returning to the workforce after the younger one is old enough to attend childcare, but being a 40yr old male who's been at home for the past 3yrs, doesn't exactly help. I'm coming to a crossroad soon, and I'm pretty much torn and unsure of what lies ahead.

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    1. Hi Amos, thank you for sharing your story with me and wow! I have so much respect for you and your wife for making such an unconventional decision for you to be a SAHD. It must have been tough for both of you but I'm sure your children are better off because of it.

      I wish you all the best in your future endeavors and that if you do decide to return to the workforce you'll find success in finding a suitable job. Just like some of the commenters above has mentioned, it is never too late to return. Good luck!

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  43. Hi Ally,
    Thanks for writing this post! I'm not a parent yet, but hope to be one someday (soon). You've just reminded me that parenthood is a vocation just like any other; you've just chosen to devote yourself full-time to it: well done you! Please know that every time someone puts you down for this choice you've made, we'll all be in your corner cheering you on.

    Take care!

    Cheers,
    c.

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    1. Thank you for your comment C and for the encouragement and support. The world needs more people like you who are so supportive of SAHMs. I wish you all the best and may your someday come soon ;) Have a lovely weekend!

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  44. Hi Ally, just want to say thank you for your post. It is touching and enlightened me.

    I'm a sahm of a 6 yo and a 16mo for 3 years.
    Yup, Everyday is a learning experience with my kids ...
    Let's jia you 💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻😊
    Cheers,
    Rene

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    1. Thank you Rene! Wow, three! Such a strong mama and an inspiration to moms like me! Wishing you all the strength, love and patience in the world to do what we need to do! Keep mothering on mama!

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  45. I am not a sahm but a ftwm. But I don't think there is nothing to feel embarrassed about being a sahm. In fact I salute sahm! I love my kids, but I honestly have to admit that I prefer working because I enjoy the little bit of freedom when I'm out at work. I totally understand the jobs of a sahm, not just a tai tai playing with your kid all day. It's so much more than that. In fact reading your post makes me a little guilty for a moment that I am not spending enough time with my kids. But I know I am giving my best for them after I return from work, and it's not wrong when I need some me-time at times too. we parents all know we love our kids and giving the best we can. You are doing great and I'm proud of all sahm! relish the growing up stage of your girl. Cherish and Enjoy this moment!

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    1. Thank you Aimei! And I have the same utmost respect for working moms like yourself too. Please don't feel guilty because you have nothing to be guilty about. Like you said, you are doing the best you can and I'm sure your kids know too. I believe it's always quality over quantity and if you're giving your kids quality time you're already giving them the best. And yes! Me-time is important regardless if you're a working mom or a SAHM! Never ever neglect yourself, you can only be the best for your kids when you feel your best. Hang in there mama and you're doing a wonderful job too!

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  46. Just to correct, should be " I think there is nothing to feel embarrassed about" :)

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  47. I totally understand how you feel. I once when for an interview, when the interviewers heard that i am now a SAHM, they were like...eyes open very big*. They didn't see my 10 over years HR experiences and my business degree..They see me as an alien..To all employers out there, to be able to be a SAHM, not only we must be hardworking, standby 24/7 and resilience. We are also a thinker, problem solver, accountant, cleaner, secretary and many more..We are a multi-tasker..Everyday is so busy..from time we wake up till the last one who goes to sleep.. Yes, we do have a choice! that is to be with our little ones..No matter how worse my day may be, when my little ones hug me and say i love you, everything is worth it...

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    1. Yes! There's this stigma that SAHM suddenly become useless or dull and cannot be a positive addition to the economy / workforce when they do decide to return! Such a negative stereotype! It's going to be difficult to change mindsets but that shouldn't stop us from trying! Keep being proud of your SAHM status and don't ever let that be the reason you stop focusing on yourself too. Be better so that we can be better for our kids! And yes, for now, I am enjoying the perks and rewards of being a SAHM - my child :D Be strong mama and keep being positive and inspiring!

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  48. Hi Ally. Thanks for sharing. You're doing a great job, in fact I'd call it the best job in the world! I am who I am today because my mum stayed at home full time to take care of me and my siblings. I loved having someone to hear my stories every day when I got back from school. Before I started school, she taught me to read, sang songs with me, etc. She's my first teacher and the best teacher too! She has done countless things for me and sacrificed so much, she's the reason I'm here today. So, be encouraged. You're doing the best job in the world; the one that means the most. Take care.

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    1. Thank you for your comment babe! I, too, like you am so blessed my mom decided to be a SAHM because it did help me be who I am today. Thanks again for sharing with me your story and for encouraging me. I really appreciate it. Have a lovely day!

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  49. Dear Ally, What a beautiful piece of writing?... I felt I was reading my own feelings and thoughts....All is well that ends well...if our stay at home adds value to our children's and husband's lives...then our decision is right...whether people respect us or not....but then, you see, the fact is....a stay at home mother with no help at home...spends much less quality time with her kids than a working mother with help at home....so, are we doing the right thing? Have we given up our jobs to do these endless work that keep us away from the very purpose for which we gave up our progressing careers? Well, time will tell....We'll hope for the best....Wishing you, Ally, and all the other stay at home mothers out there a very Happy and Blessed family life!

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    1. Hi J. Those are some really interesting thoughts / questions. I think it truly depends on the parent. I think when making such decisions to work / give up work, there needs to be a rational evaluation and it helps if we know ourselves. I think at the end of the day, we should make the choice that will give us the best outcome. Eitherway whether it's a SAHM or working mom - the job is tough and it requires a lot of hardwork. So it truly depends on the person and which will be the best decision for the family. That are my thoughts but I agree that it is not always so straightforward and sometimes we just have to hope that our decision leads to the best outcome. But I also believe that it is never too late to rectify mistakes. Thanks again for your comment and for sharing with me your thoughts. I appreciate it. Have a blessed day to you.

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  50. Hi Ally, all i can say is, u made the right choice. Being a SAHM is the toughest job ever, even more difficult in our era. so be proud and enjoy all those precious moment ur lil one brings. Their learning and achievement in future is also your definition of why u r a SAHM. The rewards is not as immediate, so be patient continue to explore and learn withbm ur lil champ in the making :) bless ur beautiful family with love n joy everyday of ur life..


    Mummy Jen

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    1. Thank you Jen for the encouragement and reminder. Wishing you and your family love and joy too. Keep mothering on mama!

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  51. Dear Ally, thank you so much for sharing your story. It reasonated so much with my situation and for once, I feel that I am not alone and not crazy in making the decision to become an SAHM. I was in the same boat as you - graduated with a degree with honours and was doing so well at work until I had to become a SAHM. I too felt ashamed and useless, or rather made to feel ashamed and useless. My husband was not spared the unkind treatment because he supported the decision that we jointly made for me to become an SAHM.

    We are doing a great job as mothers, working or not, to provide the best for our children, and for me, I take pride and heart in knowing that my kids had the best of me in their growing up years. ❤️

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    1. Hi Germaine! You are truly not alone! I (and so many other mommies ) are in the same boat. Biggest hugs* I think it is definitely hard for our partners as well but I'm glad to know you have a supportive and strong hubby for encouraging you to take the leap to SAHM too. Hang in there and prove those who doubt you wrong. Our kids are certainly blessed to have us around and it only gets better! Be proud of your SAHM title and give it your best. Sending you lots of love. Keep mothering on mama! <3

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  52. There's nothing wrong with SAHM. It's a lifetime "career" being a mum n a wife. It's not easy either. Aiyo... Don't bother about what others said. Do what makes u happy is most important. JiaYou, Ally! U made us women proud! Should u wanna consider to own a business and lead a group like an organisation (like what my SAHM biz partners are doing) PM me... I would be more than happy to show you the opportunities. :)

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    1. Wow! Thank you so much for your kind words and encouragements. And for your generous and kind offer! I will definitely keep you in mind when I'm more settled and ready to take the next step. May our paths cross in the future. Keep being an inspiration!

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  53. Such an encouraging story Ally. Our little boy is 17 months & like yourself, I've forgone my career to focus on our family for these next few years. That part where you write about 5 min lunch breaks & hiding in the toilet are so true! Being on call 24hrs/7days a week is a job no one expected!!!

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    1. Thanks Alice! And congratulations on your new title! Hoping everything is going smoothly and you're settling in to your new role well! And yes it's difficult but as everyone else has reminded me, the rewards are greater. Hugs* We can do this!!!

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  54. Hi Ally . I'm on the same boat. I'm a licensed medical doctor, had my own clinic. However, i'm proudly announce to the world that im a full time mother of 2 little monsters.yay..

    Cynical and nasty backtalker has been my daily menu. But i already pass it all.. they no longer bother me.


    Eventually i realise they are just jealous. ��
    Let's prove them that we SAHM are not useless,
    Let's our kids have their best of their moms������

    Happy parenting Ally..
    Godbless

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