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Saturday, 30 July 2016

What To Talk About On The First Date


Firstly, CONGRATULATIONS on getting that date! I have this issue with guys not calling a date a date, so for you to know you're going on a date is a HUGE plus point for your man. If you're the man, YOU THE MAN! for getting the courage to ask the girl out. What an exciting time this must be for you! 

I remember my first date with Hubbycat very clearly. I was all nerves and jitters. Given it was very random and at the spur of the moment kind of thing. It was also my first date EVER. We wanted to spend more time together so we ended up having lunch. At Ikea. Sharing a plate of meatballs. It wasn't anything fancy, no huge bouquet of flowers, no candle light or violinist or harp player and no fancy silverware (haha!) but it was definitely memorable. I didn't mind that we were in a noisy Ikea cafeteria surrounded by people who's main mission is to find the perfect couch. 

It could have been the perfect setting for a horrible date, but it wasn't. It wasn't a bad date because Hubbycat was the perfect gentleman. While he did not bring me all those frills and huge first date gestures (and thankfully he didn't because the me back then would have ran for the door!) he did a great job at setting the mood and making me feel comfortable. He paid (the guy ALWAYS pay for the first date! otherwise it's not a date!), he got us a nice table that wasn't too secluded so I felt safe and comfortable but the main thing that made this date so memorable and special for me was the conversations we had. I had forgotten where we were and all the noises around us because I was so focused and immersed in the conversations that I was intrigued by this guy and I wanted to know more. 

I think that's what first dates should be - getting to know the person and realising you want to know more. Sure it can be fun and cheesy but really, what makes a date memorable is how you felt and you both leave wanting to know more about each other. Meals, quiet drives, hiking, walks are perfect settings for first dates because it forces you to engage in conversation. The best way in getting to know someone is still through face to face conversation and not Facebook.

What to say during the first date was one thing no one prepare me for! So if you're in the same boat, I'll try my best to help you out okay? So now that you're going on your first date, what then do you talk about? It can get really awkward especially if you're both all nerves! I think firstly, someone needs to take control of the situation. In my case it was Hubbycat because I was just the awkward fool who was on her first date and didn't know what to do. (lol!) If your partner is all nerves, you step up. Direct the conversation by asking questions and if your partner is like me who suddenly forgot how to string sentences together, just talk about yourself until they're comfortable to join in. Another tip to get the ball rolling is to ask follow up questions especially if your partner suddenly doesn't know what to say next. 

1. Yourself!
Duh! Haha. How much to say? It depends on how much you like this person and how far you see this relationship going. Hubbycat dropped his walls and guards telling me about his past and I was impressed at the risk he took. That really got my attention and I was touched that he trusted me enough to share it with me. I on the other hand took a bit longer to open up because I have massive trust issues. There's no right or wrong, it really depends on you and your partner. If you really don't know each other very well then just stick to the light topics- work, hobbies, your favourite movie. The most important thing is that you make each other feel like you are in a safe zone and not push each other until you're both on the defence! The key is to know enough that you are intrigued because this is after all only the first date. Think of it as a more personal elevator pitch. 

2. Your Friends / Family
And if talking about yourself feels weird and too intimate bring your mates into the conversation. This way it takes the focus of the both of you and who doesn't have a funny story about a dear friend? Just don't mention names until you're sure things are serious *wink* Of course save the hard stuff for later because we wouldn't want to scare off this person by making them think you spend most of your time in the company of some crazy people. 

3. Jokes!
Not the dad jokes or pull my finger jokes -.- Unless your partner appreciates those jokes. My favourite is a line from our favourite tv show / movie. Laughter always lightens up the mood and helps you release some of that tension. Also what better way to capture your partner than with your laugh. Everybody loves being in the company of a happy person :) Laughing also shows that you appreciate their sense of humor - just make sure you don't over do the laugh to the point that it looks and feels fake. 

4. This date is fun!
Towards the end when you realise that you both are hitting things of, bring up the date and how it made you feel. Show appreciation, laugh about the plate of food that looked like a spider and comment about how sweet they've been. Remember that no one here is a mind reader - if you like it say you do! It makes a lasting impression and it helps future dates as well. At least then you know what you would or wouldn't love to see.

Just remember to keep things comfortable and safe (cannot stress this enough!). Avoid venting, ranting and complaining on the first date, in fact just keep that until you're both close with each other. Another thing to remember is that there are no straight rules in dating- some people take more time than others to open up, like yours truly. The most important thing is to explain the best you can so that there are no misunderstandings or disappointments. If you're uncomfortable say you're uncomfortable don't pretend and then feel miserable the whole time that you ruin the experience. Lastly, be genuine. Especially if you see this going somewhere. Nothing worst than realising that everything was just a show and it's really insulting when you're pretending to pay attention when you aren't. The key to great communication is being as open and honest as you can manage. 

Good luck! ;)

-Ally

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