Nuffnang

Monday, 1 February 2016

I'm Sorry Little One



I'm sorry little one, your momma is imperfect. Through my imperfection I've made some mistakes and let my worst get the better of me. I'm sorry that you end up seeing the ugly side of your momma and have ended up hurt because of my outburst of frustrations, despair and desperation. I'm sorry you saw parts of me that I'm not proud of, parts I've worked hard to keep away and to hide away from people - I'm sorry I didn't keep them away from you.

I'm sorry little one, your momma is imperfect. I'm sorry if I ever made you feel unwanted, unloved or unimportant during these moments of weakness. Forgive me because that is the last thing in the world I would ever want you to feel. I love you with all my heart, with every fiber of my being and with every breath. I want you, I need you and I'm sorry that in my selfishness I let my frustrations bring out the worst in me. 

I'm sorry little one, your momma is imperfect. I'm sorry for all the tears I brought you because I didn't know what I was doing. I'm sorry I didn't understand that you were tired, hungry, upset and wasn't able to comfort you right away. I'm sorry for all the times I snapped at you for not sleeping fast enough because you were uncomfortable or sucking for too long when you needed comfort. I'm sorry I wasn't sensitive to your needs and I'm sorry if momma made you frightened. Don't be frightened, your momma loves you and wants to see you confident and secure. 

I'm sorry little one, your momma is imperfect BUT that's not enough reason for me to make you feel hurt and sad. I promise I will try harder to be more patient, to love more and to understand you just the way our Heavenly Father is towards us. To never turn my back on you and to never let you feel rejected or insignificant. I want you to express yourself freely, to live boldly and to never be afraid of being you and I will do everything in my power to help you even if it means I have to go above my imperfections. I will. 

I'm sorry Little One and I will be, not try, I will be the best version of myself for you so that you will always have a standard to follow, just like how mommy has mommy's mommy. I want you to know that no matter what I will always always love you and I will do my utmost best to show you that love conquers all. I want love to always the the first weapon we yield against troubled times and never condemnation, anger, disappointment or rejection. I'm sorry Little One and if ever I stumble again, please remind me over and over and over again.

Love, Mommy

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