Friday, 8 January 2016

GoodBye 2015, Hello 2016

Wow, day 8 of 2016! How wee waa waa. That went by quickly and I haven't even banged out a proper post. Too many excuses jump into my head but I'll just skip that and jump right in. 2015 was an amazing and yet so crazy year. For the most part I loved 2015, giving birth to BabyLim, my new role as a mommy and just learning a whole lot of things. There were so many things I loved about 2015, how we managed to travel to so many countries with a baby and BabyLim travels like a pro, how we threw a few amazing parties, how I got to witness every special milestone BabyLim made and was there to cheer her on, how even through the madness Hubbycat and I managed to grow stronger as a couple and weathered the storms. It was beautiful in every way and got even better with each passing moment. 

At the same time 2015 was so crazy because in the midst of all this beautiful moments were times where I felt so tired, frustrated, upset at the world, at Hubbycat, at BabyLim. I was stressed out and I wasn't even working! I was upset that everything was so imbalanced and how I couldn't get any alone time. That was when things got a little complicated because I was so inlove with my baby, I wanted to do everything and give her my all but at the same time I was feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. I couldn't get any me-time and I started kicking myself for letting things get so bad, I started getting upset at myself for not handling things better and I blamed myself even though I was a new mom without an experience. I just was fed up because everywhere I turned my baby was there needing me, demanding for me, crying for me and on any ordinary day I would have melted with happiness knowing that my baby LOVES me and NEEDS me. But I was just in a bad place and I saw that as being too clingy and needy. I knew I loved her and that made it all worst when the guilt would come crushing me inside. I would feel so bad for even thinking that way about my baby, about my motherhood role and I would push myself even harder. That made things better and worst. Better because I always respond better to challenges but worst because I wasn't fixing the root of the problem, I was just putting a bandaid over it. Eventually I broke down like a house of cards and started fixing problems instead of pretending they weren't there. 

For me the biggest lesson I learnt in 2015 besides learning how to be a mom is learning about me. Knowing who I am, what makes me function well, what my character and personality is and how to use these things to be a better person, wife and mom. Learning that I needed to focus on me and to not neglect myself was important and that I shouldn't and couldn't feel bad for wanting to have time for myself. That was important to my happiness and for me to be the best version of myself for my family. 

Like I said, 2015 was beautiful and while I did have my down moments, I wouldn't change anything. And like every year, I'm thankful that God has never failed me. I'm thankful for the opportunities, the lessons, the experiences, the people who I have crossed paths with. The friends made and reconnected, the friends lost, the people who were there for me and encouraged me - I'm thankful. Most of all, I'm thankful for Hubbycat who have been the best husband and father, my greatest fan and biggest critic. LOL! And of course the babies - Montycat and BabyLim who have both made life so fun and interesting. I love being a mom because of them and I love my family to bits.

To an exciting 2016! 

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