Nuffnang

Tuesday, 1 December 2015

I Am Perfectly Imperfect

... and I'm okay with it.

10 months in and I honestly thought I would have everything in order by now and would have had something planned out but I haven't. There are days where I don't have time to wash my hair for days and end up being in the same clothing until the next day. Days where the house is a complete mess because my daughter refuses to play on her own for 15 minutes. Days where I'm so exhausted I don't want to even think of the everest pile of dishes in the sink.

Now, add a 10 month old who's starting to figure out that she's her own person with needs and demands and it's a whole new ball game. There are days when I flip out and become Mrs.Grumps because the little one doesn't want to take her nap no matter how much coaxing is done. Days where I get frustrated because I'm telling her to "sit properly" "no standing" "no touching" and she's determined to push her boundaries while I'm trying to establish my authority. Days where I'm not sure to be tough as nails ala tiger mom or be a sweet and cuddly mommy without making my daughter get whiplash from my mood swings.

Days where focusing on my relationships feel like a test because I want to take the easy way out and blame someone else for that mess, that mistake, that baby. Days where I forget to say "I Love You" to Hubbycat because I'm so busy paying bills while bouncing a restless baby on my lap. Days where I end up assuming "he knows" because I'm too preoccupied with other things and end up with a wounded man who thought I didn't care.

So yes, 10 months in and still so little "accomplishments". There are days where I do feel sorry for myself and feel like I've failed. When I am so close to screaming "I hate this!!" - she picks up after herself, she learns to clap and hi5, she doesn't cry when I put her down and nights when I stare into her mischievious, I mean sweet sweet face and all those things melt away and I fall in love with my imperfect life and imperfect self all over again. When I lie next to Hubbycat and talk about our day I remember why I love my crazy life.

Of course I would love everything to be perfect, the house to clean itself, the baby who is independent and obedient, the hubby who knows everything about me and handles accordingly but life isn't like that. When the imperfection starts to show, I think about how I want my daughter to handle this when she's in my shoes.

I want her to know that it's okay to fall apart. It's okay to freak out. It's okay to stress out. It's okay because we have expectations and feelings and to feel that strongly means you care about something enough. I want to show her that the important thing is to try your best to fill the gaps and to always remember what sacrifices and hard work is all about. I want her to know what being committed to something is no matter how low things get and that being imperfect is not a good enough reason to quit or leave. That no matter what, we are a perfectly imperfect family and we will be okay.

-Ally

2 comments:

  1. awww you are doing a great job ally! we find perfection in our imperfect lives =)

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  2. Love this post, totally agree about being perfectly imperfect family. You are such a great mummy, teaching her that it's ok to be imperfect and it's completely normal to have bad days...

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