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Tuesday, 18 August 2015

Before I turn 27.. lessons


It's August! And I turn Twenty-Seven soon. The past year has been amazing and certainly flew very quickly. So many times I had to take a step back and just appreciate the moments because they were gone all too quickly. Watching BabyLim grow reminded me the beauty of growing. To have better understanding, to learn from mistakes, to pick up new things, to advance forward - to remind myself that one should never be stagnant in life. 

That's the beauty of growing up and even at 27, an "adult" I still have so much to learn and to learn from the smallest to the biggest of things. As an annual tradition, here's some things I learnt the past year.

1. Life is short. Let go. 
There's no point thinking of the should have been and what has happened. You cannot erase what happened but you can certainly move forward. 

2. Choose your company wisely. 
You are only as strong as the people you mix with. Back to number one, life is short and time is a limited commodity. The kind of people you hang out with rubs on to you. I now know the meaning of "iron sharpens iron". 

3. It's okay to "not have time". 
Just don't pretend that you do. You cannot have coffee dates with everyone, you cannot go to all the events, you cannot be at all the family dinners. It's totally okay to have other priorities. Explain it as it is and don't be too pussy to admit so. Don't try to fit everything in only to disappoint others and yourself. 

4. You don't have to love everyone. Just be honest about it. 
The past year I've been very honest with my feelings. Probably the most honest I've been in forever. I stop pretending to care when I really don't. I've stopped sending the "hi xxx, been thinking of you and wondering how you're doing" when I really haven't been thinking of them. I've stopped the "omg! It's been forever, let's catch up soon!" and never following up because I don't really want to meet them. I've stopped the fake caring, the fake smiling, the fake air kisses and fake hugs because the truth is I don't love everyone. I've made a conscious effort to only do it when I mean it so the ones I love knows I mean it.

5. People move on. 
Just like I have chosen to move forward, people have the right to move on too. Just because you're still stuck in an old memory of what has been doesn't mean others are too. 

6. You have to first accept yourself.
I know I'm imperfect. If you've lived, society will at one time have pointed out your flaws and picked at your successes. I grew up trying to be perfect and it nearly destroyed me. No matter how many reason I had to be happy, I was never happy because I was never good enough in my eyes. 

The other day I wore a bikini for the first time and went swimming with my family for the first time. It was amazing! Not because I finally have that bikini body (ha! After one child, the bikini body has never been further away) but because I'm finally secure enough to wear one. To have accepted those flaws is so liberating!

7. Everyone has a opinion. They're not always right. 
Everyone and I mean EVERYONE has an opinion. Ask two people the same question and you can end up with two very different answers / advice. Even people who use the bible and / or religion cannot agree on the same thing. I've learnt to take everything with a pinch of salt and have my own filtration system. At the end of the day, it's my life and I have to take responsibility for it. So while they're not always right, I have to be always right for myself. 

8. Take any opportunity. Even when it's something you don't want to do. 
Because there's always something to learn from it and it will draw you closer to what you want to do. 

9. All you need is a good support system.
Because nobody is perfect and sometimes you just need to know that there are people who you can count on to do life with. 

10. The more you struggle, the tougher you'll be. 
After the incident 3 years ago, I've learnt that giving up is never a good option. No matter how easy it is. So easy to stop fighting and let others tell you what to do. So easy to take responsibility and pass it on to someone else. So easy to let go of what your principles are and take the easy way out. It's the fighting that is hard. Especially if you're fighting alone and especially if you're the minority. That odd one out. But as I mentioned earlier, your life, your responsibility. You have to know what works for you and fight for it. Yes the struggle is real, yes you will lose friends along the way, yes you will find out that life isn't so nice.... but it's okay. Because you will grow tougher, you will learn more about yourself and that thing you fought so hard for, if it's truly right for you, it will bring you to a better place. 

Still learning. 
-Ally

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