Nuffnang

Tuesday, 28 July 2015

Imbalanced


I am always in awe of mommies who are able to do everything - the parenting, the cleaning, the 9-5 job, the wife, the daughter, the teacher.... everything under the sun under her belt and on top of that, still look like a million dollars with her polished look and perfectly manicured nails. Unfortunately, I am not one of those lucky women. As it is StickgirlProductions is somewhere collecting dust (I have SO many ideas, no time to sit down and put pen to paper) and me-time is a distant memory. As a new mom, my biggest personal struggle ever since taking on this mommy job is finding balance. It's been 6 months but I have yet to find a balance that works for me. Partly because babies are so unpredictable, the moment you think you have them and their schedules figured out they decide to change things up. Another because I want to spend every waking moment with my daughter because I know that at a blink of an eye, I'm going to be sending her off to college. 

The other day I had a meltdown because I felt so unaccomplished. StickgirlProductions was supposed to be my badge of honor, the big jewel on my crown. It was supposed to make my decision of not entering the 9-5 world make sense. It was supposed to be a representation of my success.... and now, it's just something I have plans for. I was quite demotivated and went to complain to Hubbycat. The smart man I married told me that motherhood was an even bigger badge and a heavier crown to carry. That StickgirlProductions will always be there and it is what it is. But BabyLim is legacy - that people will look at her next time and know what kind of parents she has. 

I'm not sure when motherhood paled in comparison and seemed less accomplished or since when I had made it less important than having a successful career. For me it was always career > motherhood. For a while I became impatient and wanted BabyLim to quickly grow up and be independent so I can start on building my business. But after that good heart-to-heart with Hubbycat, I feel better shifting all my attention and energy and focus on raising my children. I don't feel as shy  / embarrassed when telling people I'm a Stay-At-Home-Mom / Housewife. I don't feel as unaccomplished as I was before because I'm raising a family. I'm polishing the jewels on my crown. 

For now I count my blessings that I have the luxury of being a stay at home mom and am able to focus on raising my children and being the first to witness all these amazing milestones BabyLim is hitting day after day. I hope one day I get the balancing down so that I will be able to do the whole thing- mothering, businesswoman, teacher, housekeeper and all that. But for now, let's try to squeeze in some alone time in between mothering. Baby steps. 

-Ally

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